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Johnny Sexual - JPop.com
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Johnny Sexual

Johnny Sexual

Johnny Sexual


1981 - John Essex Joul is born the son of Jamaican revolutionary Ollie Joul and French burlesque house owner Élizabeth Wilhelm-Légume. Later that year, Ollie would go to the carribean and successfully fight for the independence of Antigua and Barbuda, but accidentally drown a month after his victory. 1986 - John and Élizabeth move to New Orleans, where she quickly establishes a reputation as a woman decidedly skilled in pleasuring men. John begins taking violin classes. Read more on Last.fm
1981 - John Essex Joul is born the son of Jamaican revolutionary Ollie Joul and French burlesque house owner Élizabeth Wilhelm-Légume. Later that year, Ollie would go to the carribean and successfully fight for the independence of Antigua and Barbuda, but accidentally drown a month after his victory. 1986 - John and Élizabeth move to New Orleans, where she quickly establishes a reputation as a woman decidedly skilled in pleasuring men. John begins taking violin classes. The thin walls of their apartment allow John to listen intently to his mother's phone conversations, and learns many secret ways of giving people sexual pleasure. 1991 - Crazed fundamentalist christians are secretly ordered to kill every prostitute in the Orleans, St.

Charles & Jefferson county areas in the remote chance that they might have had sex with Jimmy Swaggart. Élizabeth is viciously stabbed by a baptist on her way to collect Johnny from the Jambowayamalarasta Daycare Center, where John is being looked after. Élizabeth then expends her dying breaths fighting off the baptists with a complimentary plastic toothpick she stole from a dentist's office and getting John on a bus, bound north. 1995 - John lives on the streets of Manhattan, hanging out with underpriviliged children of colorful ethnic backgrounds, from whom he picks up a taste for hip-hop music, although he grows disenchanted with how women are generally perceived in rap music. Feeling he has much to learn from the fairer sex, he takes a job as distribution manager for Elle magazine. 1998 - A client seriously mispronounces John's full name as Johnny Sexual, accidentally giving birth to a legend.

Johnny begins writing and recording music in his bedroom with a variety of keyboards given to him by several of the women he has pleasured. 2000 - Johnny receives an extremely distressed phone call from a 15-year old in Stillwater, OK who did not get last month's issue of Elle. They end up talking for a while, and a friendship of sorts is formed. The boy's name is Seth Farmer. 2003 - Johnny is fiddling with an AM-radio when he hears one of the songs he wrote and recorded being performed by an Icelandic hip-hop band. Simultaneously flattered and confused, he vaguely recalls giving one of his demo tapes to a blonde girl he remembers only as Svala.

He calls Seth to inform him of the news, to which Seth replies that Johnny "totally wrote that song" and could "sue the pants off these dudes." He immediately quits his job at the Elle office, much to the dismay of the dozens of beautiful women who have been consistently sending flirtatious memos to his desk, and departs for Iceland. 2004 - Having arrived in Iceland, Johnny finally tracks down the man responsible for stealing his songs: Karl Ingi "Kalli" Karlsson, a high school student and sometime ticket boy at a local movie theatre. He says that although he has no money with which to repay Johnny, and since his band, Dáðadrengir, is falling apart anyway, he offers to be Johnny's agent of sorts, handling monetary affairs, public relations and the like. The two are also nearly identical in appearance and are frequently mistaken for each other, or twins on the rare occasion they are spotted together. This leads to many awkward misunderstandings involving the dozens of people to whom Kalli owes money and the hundreds of women whom Johnny has pleasured. 2005 - With an album in the works and record companies desperately scrambling to sign the man Q Magazine dubbed "the man most likely to sexually satisfy your frigid aunt by touching her lightly on the wrist," Kalli suggests to Johnny that a backing man would "make the show look more professional." Johnny proceeds to consider this for three days before calling Seth Farmer, who had recently graduated from Stillwater High School.

Seth is at first skeptical, but when Johnny tells him that he is calling collect, Seth panics and runs away to avoid explaining the phone bill to his parents. After a short stint in Minneapolis as a stage actor and sound techinician, he eventually reaches Iceland and hooks up with Johnny. 2006 - Having performed at such diverse venues as snooker bars, clothing stores and coffee shops, Johnny and Seth have managed to attract a small cult following chiefly consisting of sexually dissatisfied young women and their jealous boyfriends. But the past is merely prologue, the question is only how high can they get and how high will they reach... "I stopped smoking to impress this girl. I stopped joking to impress the world." -Johnny Sexual Read more on Last.fm.

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