It’s really fucking strange when people start telling you that ,” Elias, your doing a lot better than before, ..you’ve come a long long way since then man!” When in all actuality, ( and with funny little secret giggles sounding off in my mind like a game show weasel ass neck, tricky little fucker ), Do not know where that was heading but anyways people would compliment me on how much beter I’m doing ( and that really just mean, you don’t look like a wild druggie crazy man) when really I was still doing just as bad as I was, or worse…..It’s just that after you meet your peak with any particular drug-using -, not only do you accumulate a hefty list of fucking up, making mistakes and getting caught; But you also become masterful at disguising your drug usage (and in my case), hiding the true nature of your craziness…. Can’t negotiate with all the quarks that make me the weird fucking person that I am. So, you couldn’t deal with my craziness? But, did my craziness ever abuse you? However, I suppose I ain’t got no right…coming at you so unfair…The forgotten pains that were of my own causing cut the chances forever. Every where I go now, a small piece of you is always with me. It does not matter what world of place I’m in or the people of whoever I’m with, I carry these imprints regardless of what life may surround me in.
Somehow, ( and with a stunned expression ), I am awaken by a good point proven… I remember this old tune and getting caught up in the ritualistic repetitions of madness…Don’t think there has ever been a shortage of all that crazy shit in any point of my life and so forth, no point in my life ever has been without some kind of strange reminisce of insanity. I’m still learning about acceptance of one’s self the way one is. Therefore, I am continually striving toward that peace in just being. Open, leaving a cracked door, for the confrontational side of my mind. So that it may make it’s stand and so I may also do so as I recognize the clearing fog of all denial.
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